I realized something recently that shocked me a little. I absolutely hate looking at myself, and I do it as infrequently as possible, sometimes subconsciously taking great pains to avoid things like mirrors and windows and cameras--they are everywhere we go! In my quest not to have to see me, I have noticed that my image is reflected back at me way more often than is comfortable. In the rearview mirror of my car. In shop windows as I pass. Caught in the frames of people's cell phone cameras. Even the elevator in my work's office building has mirrors on three sides, and it creeps me out every day. (When I first started my job, one of the two cars had those drab moving pads hung over the mirrors for months; I used to wait for that car specifically just so I wouldn't have to glimpse myself in the mirrors.)
And cameras! Ugh! I'm barely tolerable animated. Still-frame is absolutely frightening! There are maybe a dozen pictures of me since my adulthood that I can stand to look at, and even fewer that I'm comfortable sharing (yes, my Vanity album makes me a little sick, in case you were wondering).
But there is one mirror that is kinder to me than all the rest: My bathroom mirror. Depending on the time of day, the lighting in there is either wonderfully low or it's softly muted natural light, and the mirror has a sheen and cast to it that just likes me. I'm so grateful for that mirror! Not that I spend a ton of time looking in it, but it's the one I can stand the best, and it's where, each morning, I put together a presentation to go out into the world in--gathering my courage, so to speak. I just wish that the rest of you could see me the way that mirror does. So sorry. And I hope you all have your "magic mirrors" that don't know your flaws and whisper that you're truly royalty.
Ditto.
Posted by: Jeanna | July 06, 2009 at 10:25 AM
Me toooooo! I totally do the worst-case-scenario in my head so that sometimes I can be pleasantly surprised that what is staring back at me in the mirror isn't so scary.
But, Mom, you are angelic-looking to the rest of us! I'll never really think of you as old--just older than me, and far wiser.
It's probably true that we see our flaws way too much, way more than others do, and there may even be a bit of body dysmorphic disorder going on. One more thing to work on overcoming!
Posted by: jessteronimo | June 25, 2009 at 12:05 AM
You are so right! I totally relate to this post. But you look great all the time, photo or in real-time life! I work on imagining myself old, dumpy, wrinkled, so that I will not be too upset when I glimpse my reflection, which looks just like my scary imaginary me. Love you! Mom
Posted by: Janet Taylor | June 24, 2009 at 07:02 AM