jessteronimo

HALT

I check my email first thing when I get to work each day. Today there was a very sad email waiting for me that delivered the awful news that one of our clients had committed suicide yesterday. The news reminded me how a lot of people have a very hard time keeping their spirits up during the holiday season. I thought I'd share a coping thought that one of my friends shared with me a few months ago when I was going through my annual sad time, in case it might help any of my readers push through a bad spot ever. It's a simple acronym with a powerful message: When you are struggling, think H.A.L.T. Stop and analyze your situation:

H - Are you Hungry? Hunger can mess with your body chemistry, which messes with your brain. Eat something substantial and healthy, and preferably not something super sugary, as this can produce a temporary and false euphoria that usually leads to another crash.

A - Are you Angry? Intense anger is a type of out-of-control emotion that can lead to other out-of-control emotions and actions, which can spiral downward or explode in a hurry. Remove yourself from the situation. Go for a walk. Get some air. Breathe deeply and rhythmically. Do whatever you have to do to calm yourself down.

L - Are you Lonely? This is one of my biggest triggers. Being alone when you're depressed or upset can sink you faster than you realize. Go find someone. Anyone. Anywhere. Sometimes just going to a public place like a grocery store or a coffee shop can snap you out of it, but more often you need someone who can talk you off that ledge. Visit or call someone (a loved one or even a hotline like 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255), which are nationwide hotlines staffed with trained professionals).

T - Are you Tired? Like hunger, being tired effects your body's ability to fight off attacks, even emotional attacks. Rest. Take a power nap. Or sleep all day or night. Whatever your body is calling for. Stop demanding so much of yourself for just a little while and relax! (I know, pot calling the kettle black, eh?) But seriously, try to sleep it off. Just DO NOT help that sleep along with pills or alcohol, k? Promise me that, please!

Next time you're feeling more than "the blues" coming on, I hope you'll remember the acronym and do something to turn yourself around, out, up. Figure out your own triggers now, and then figure out how to fight them now. Think happy thoughts. I mean it. Pick out a couple of happy memories to put in your arsenal right now, even if you've never suffered from depression. Did you do it? You need to know this information before you truly need it!

And if you need someone to talk to, I'll listen. And trust me, some of you reading this right now are on MY list of people to call when I'm in this situation too--for which you'll never really know how grateful I am. Wishing everyone within the sound of my...um, typing...safe and happy.

September Sucks

Today I received one more in a long string of reasons to truly hate September. Maybe my mom was on to something.

Head's Down

Hi, remember me? Sorry I've been so quiet; I'm wrapped in my world and totally in my head right now. I've spent the last few weeks buried in work, karate, family and friend troubles, and minor health issues. I've had a ton of major and minor IT problems and challenges to deal with, I'm trying to prepare to test for my brown belt in karate next weekend, I've been trying to help several of my friends and family whose lives have been in turmoil, and on top of fighting off a minor cold, I battled the first bad migraine I've had in year--for three whole days. Plus, I'm just trying to make it through another September alive, a task which isn't as easy or as flippant for me as it may sound. I've kept a grueling schedule with little sleep and even less rest or peace.

I sort of came up for a breath yesterday and looked around. I was slightly awed by all that has happened already this month and how much I still have to endore. It scared me enough that I'm headed back down huddled in my head again. I'm truly thankful for my support system; undoubtedly, I could not do this repeatedly without these people I love. 

I wonder if I'm destined to fight September for the rest of my life.

Shutting Down

Here comes the crash. It's gonna be a bad one this year. I feel like I'm in fetal position already, and it's only August.

Rage

I've been mad. I've been angry. I've been furious before. But until yesterday, I'd never felt rage, complete, uncontrolled, consuming rage. I thought I had. But I definitely hadn't. Yesterday I started seeing red, and I've been struggling to control it ever since. I realized that I wanted to find and hurt a particular someone more than I've ever wanted to hurt anything in my life, someone I don't know, someone who hurt someone I love. I can't undo what he did, but I can make him wish he hadn't done it. And then maybe I'll feel better. I wish I could believe that she would feel better too.

Wasting Time

I spent an inordinate amount of time today "wasting" time. I was cleaning out my email inbox, unsubscribing from spam, uninstalling old software programs from my laptop, watching YouTube videos, listening to and reorganizing my music in iTunes and on my iPod, chatting on Yahoo Messenger, texting, cleaning, babysitting, playing on Facebook, virus scanning, dog walking at the Humane Society, playing games, watching TV and Netflix movies, buying new music, cooking, reading, drinking hot chocolate, and listening to the rain. And blogging, of course. While I would normally consider most of these activities inconsequential, today I feel like I accomplished a ton! My activities made me feel connected, or they made me feel uncluttered. I can't believe it's still light outside. Hopefully tomorrow will be a repeat.

Lifesaving Rain

I think that, if there had been the light, sweet rain that fell tonight and scrubbed the air, filling it with such a powerfully wonderful, clean smell, falling on the day my mother died, maybe she wouldn't have.

Happy Birthday!

On Feb. 28th, my Mom would have turned 60 years old. I can hardly believe it. She's all around me, even after all this time. I still miss her so much! Once again, I wish my kids could have known her most of all. Happy birthday, Mom!

A Bright Spot on the Horizon

Today could have gone a lot worse than it did. Despite near-constant technology troubles and job challenges and some people trying very hard to make it harder, the day still went pretty well, and I was able to sweep a lot of things off my plate. I maintain a hope that things will continue to look up, that my load will be lifted, and I'll be able to breathe a little easier--provided the haze over the valley blows away and lets me quit coughing. One bright spot is that it's now light when I leave work as well as when I arrive there. Somehow, that extra sun time makes things easier and brightens my spirits.

Gurgly

Not feeling so great today. I spent the weekend with people who had recently suffered through stomach flu, so I kinda sorta knew I was in trouble. I felt beat yesterday, but I thought it was because I hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before. I woke up around 2:30 this morning feeling on the down side of healthy. I went to work until noon today before I threw in the towel. While I haven't been puking up yet, I have spent the day listening to and feeling my stomach's gurgling protests and nursing a headache, eating soft foods so that if worse came to worst, I won't hurt myself. Good times. Hopefully I'll be able to pull myself together for work tomorrow.